Bhudda, Biscuits and Life in General

I am back home with Daddy and Chris, finally....after a much needed break in New Hampshire...I did get to make some delightful biscuits, scones, and more....but now just need to find employment, yet again!, in the baking field.

I couldn't wait to be back here. I love the family that I re-found, but my place is here, NOW, in Vermont. I love it here, and my heart truly did grow more fond of this place, being away for awhile. At least I am in my element here, and I am back with my immediate family and my friends, instead of trapped out there in the sticks with only my worldly possessions and an unclear sense of what I can do with myself. Moving taught me that just because you have blood relations that look like you and share some of your personality traits does not mean it is all-encompassing...I feel guilty putting this family through the gauntlet, emotionally, but I absolutely refuse to stay and change my entire self simply out of guilt and shame.
I am who I am, good AND bad, and I will deal with the repercussions on my own. Rehab my ASS. Today makes 15 days without a dr0p, and I am extremely grateful and appreciative of the support. This is a good thing, but I felt trapped, especially with everyone breathing down my neck about it. And honestly, if I had a way to get a drink right now, I would snatch it up in a sec0nd.
I want to smoke a cigarette without feeling bad about it. I want to chug wine without needing to explain myself to anyone or needing to hide it. It truly sucks that I had to return my sweet, yet costly, phone but at least my daddy, chris, jo, nick,and their families are right here :)
What needs doing must be done. Even a little bit of work will keep me afloat. I'm going stir crazy and need to occupy some free time! Particularly by baking?!?!
BTW: for those of you who seem to have a very close minded opinion of BHUDDA: let me ENLIGHTEN you...Siddhartha Gautama did not seek out GODLINESS. He was merely a man, much like JESUS, who believed that the soul lives on, in various forms, and that we should be conscious of the actions that we take in each of our life-times, because, KARMICALLY, we are held responsible for our actions and how we affect the natural and living world around us.
I do not, in any way, shape or form, agree with the fact that the Tsunami in Japan is a sign from "Jehovah" decreeing that the world, as we know it, is coming to an end. I have more than a healthy amount of respect for the beliefs of others; however, this I think is a bunch of bullshit. Jehovah's Witnesses I believe to be a cult and I WANT NO PART IN IT, OR ITS TEACHINGS. Any religion that can shun members of its immediate family is foul and ridiculous and deserves no second glance, in this writer's opinion. Guess what. As it turns out, JWs, blood means nothing. I would take my "SINFUL, PAGAN, DISFELLOWSHIPPED" family over you any second of any minute of any hour of any day of any week of any month of any year. Here's WHY:

No matter how often or how atrocious, our fights don't battle over souls. I would NEVER want to be in "paradise" without my dad, my brothers, my sister and their families. My newborn niece is important, too, BTW. I wanted to see her more than anything in the world, thank you very much, and I should have been there, in the delivery room, just as when Collin was born, except that I was away, and that was my fault. I should have never left. This is where I belong, and unfortunately it was an inopportune time for me to realize this.

I know I'm not going to clug around making nothing of myself. I am a talented cook and baker, and cake decorator extraordinaire...I have no doubt I will make my way, successfully, through whatever I have to offer the world; I will not sacrifice myself, though. I will not give up that in which I believe, and I will not meld myself to a lifestyle with which I do not 100% agree.

Thank you for everything, dear family. I love and respect you all.

TOR